3 Reasons Why You’ve Been Ghosted & What to Do Next
“Ghosting” – simply stopping all communication with someone without explanation – seems like a quick, easy, and drama-free way to end a relationship, but there can be a lasting emotional fallout for the person you’ve vanished on.
So, why do people choose to ghost other people instead of giving them a simple explanation? Experts say there can be multiple reasons, but there are three that they cite over and over.
Convenience – It’s easier to block a number, delete a friend, stop answering calls, ignore knocks at the door, or turn around and go the other way in public than take the time to actually talk to someone. Especially if you connection is mostly a digital one.
Fear of confrontation – some people just can’t deal with drama, even of their own making. They may not want to see you hurt or they might be afraid of your anger. Some people are not emotionally mature enough to process the complex emotions that come with ending a friendship or romantic relationship.
Mental health issues – Some people suffer from anxiety, depression, and other issues that make dealing with personal conflicts difficult. Some people simply lack the empathy that helps them understand that being ghosted can be traumatic.
Researchers from the University of Georgia say it can leave people hurt and confused. Researcher Christina Lckfor said, “Ghosting is becoming a common strategy, and it creates an ambiguous situation where one party doesn’t really know what’s going on.”
Leckfor said that nearly everyone who participated in their survey said getting ghosted was a bad experience, but some individuals who longed for closure, the experience was more troubling. They reported lingering effects on their self-esteem, feelings of belonging, and some were even led to question their existence. Those who were ghosted by friends felt even worse about it that those ghosted by romantic partners.
Surprisingly, those negatively effected by ghosting did not hesitate to use the same tactic on other. “We actually found that people who had a higher need for closure were slightly more likely to intend to use ghosting to end a relationship,” Leckfor said. “Even though things may be ambiguous on the recipient side, the person who is ghosting sees it as a distinct end to the relationship.”
What should you do if you are ghosted? According to experts, probably nothing. If someone wants to end contact with you, they certainly have the right. You can try sending a message either via text, left on the phone, in a card, or relayed through a friend saying that you feel like there’s some distance between you and you’d like to discuss it.
If someone does respond and gives you an answer you don’t like, accept it anyway and move on. Concentrate on you, taking time to do things you especially enjoy and either spending time with other friends or making new one.
If you find that you are having a great deal of trouble after a ghosting incident, consider talking with a pastor, counselor, or other professional to help you process the issues.