According to Timothy Ferriss, “A person’s success in life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations [they are] willing to have.” Whether it’s with a stranger, a close friend, or a family member, the discussions that make us most uneasy help us face fears. The most uncomfortable yet warranted conversation we have with others is death.
Death is a sensitive topic for many of us, but discussing it with family is necessary. Here are the best strategies on how to discuss funeral arrangements with family.
Communicate Funeral Plans Based on Communication Style
We all have different communication styles. Some of us can discuss dire topics without a preface, while others like to know ahead of time without being ambushed. You shouldn’t communicate funeral arrangements via social media because that leads to unnecessary input from others—talk this through one-on-one.
Prepare for this conversation based on how soon someone would like to know. Think about past conversations with your loved one; if they did not react the best way, consider asking a friend or family member to mediate the conversation.
Put Your Foot Down on What You Want
Something essential you could learn from planning your funeral arrangements is controlling how much is spent on your funeral service by curating a wish list. This list includes floral arrangements, music, slideshow information, and burial choice.
When a loved one offers something different than what you choose, put your foot down—it is acceptable to say no to something that goes against your best interests. Creating a list of what you want at your funeral controls costs after your passing.
Let the Conversation Flow
One thing to help a loved one understand the direness of this conversation is to encourage open dialogue; allow family and friends to voice their ideas, fears, and anything else on their minds. Open dialogue can include end-of-life issues, such as where you will be laid to rest and ways to celebrate your memory.
Keep the conversation flowing, and allow your family members to express themselves openly. You will be surprised by how much ground you can cover and how close you grow to the person you’re speaking with about this topic.
Speak Age-Appropriately
Children may find conversations on death and funeral arrangements difficult to understand. When discussing this with a child, you need to consider their age. It is best to avoid common phrases like “they went to sleep.” Children of every age interpret such phrases differently; you wouldn’t want to get their hopes up by letting them think a loved one will “wake up.”
When discussing funerals with children, use language they understand. Sometimes, children can pick up on what’s happening around them. Keep in mind that they have different reactions and responses to the death of a loved one. Remember these ideas as you learn to talk about funeral arrangements with family.