Audio Version
There’s a delicate balance between standing up for yourself and knowing when to let something slide. It’s a calculation, not a default response. Some battles are worth fighting, while others only drain your energy, offering little in return. The trick is knowing the difference.
Leverage, Bullying, and Coercion
When someone tries to control, intimidate, or force your hand, they’re relying on one of three things:
- Leverage – They believe they have power over you.
- Bullying – They exploit fear, either physically or emotionally.
- Coercion – They manipulate, guilt-trip, or twist reality to suit their needs.
Most people operate on autopilot, treating others how they’ve always treated people. That’s where my book 40/40 Vision comes in. One of its key rules—We teach others how we want to be treated—isn’t just a suggestion. It’s a foundational truth. If you don’t set clear expectations, others will default to their natural behavior, which may not align with your standards.
This applies to everyone—family, friends, co-workers, even strangers. Without boundaries, people don’t necessarily mean to overstep; they just act according to their own comfort zone. The moment you set a boundary, you disrupt their default mode.
When to Stand Up and When to Let It Go
Standing up for yourself isn’t about reacting to every slight. It’s about choosing the moments that truly shape how others treat you.
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Stand up when…
- Someone disrespects a boundary you’ve clearly set.
- There’s a pattern of behavior that undermines your dignity.
- Someone is using leverage, bullying, or coercion against you.
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Let it go when…
- The battle costs more than it’s worth.
- The issue is fleeting, and pushing back won’t change the outcome.
- It’s about ego, not principle.
The goal isn’t to win every encounter. It’s to train the world around you to understand what you will and won’t accept. Because if you don’t teach people how to treat you, they’ll teach you how they treat others.