When Portsmouth police were called to investigate a possible elder abuse case, they braced themselves for the worst. Reports painted a grim picture: an elderly woman left bedridden, wearing dirty diapers, and allegedly living in squalor under the care of her son.
But when officers arrived, the situation wasn’t so clear-cut.
Inside the home, the patient was alert and oriented—though a little fuzzy on a couple of basic questions. She wasn’t frail and helpless as described; instead, she was snacking in bed, watching old TV shows, and appeared relatively clean. No signs of pain. No immediate red flags.
Her son insisted she was fine. The ex-girlfriend who raised the alarm admitted the woman is in her right mind but just refuses every offer of help—from doctor visits to hospital trips. In fact, records show she turned down an ambulance back in July.
APS (Adult Protective Services) was notified, but with the woman saying “no thanks” to assistance, police had no grounds to force her into care.
🤔 The Hard Truth: You Can’t Force Help
This case highlights one of the most frustrating realities for families and first responders: if an adult is mentally competent, they have the legal right to refuse help—even if it puts their health at risk.
That means many “elder abuse” calls don’t end in arrests or rescues. Instead, they become exercises in documentation, referrals, and watching situations that may never change.
💡 What You Can Do if a Loved One Refuses Help
- Stay involved 🫂 – Even if they push you away, keep checking in.
- Document concerns 📸 – Take photos or notes about unsafe conditions.
- Know your resources 📞 – Contact APS, local health departments, or community outreach programs.
- Offer small steps 🚗 – Instead of demanding hospital visits, start with things like in-home nursing checks or meal deliveries.
- Respect independence (to a point) ⚖️ – As long as your loved one is of sound mind, the law usually sides with their choices.
👉 This story is a reminder that elder care isn’t always neglect or abuse. Sometimes, it’s about the stubborn independence of someone who just doesn’t want help. For families, that can be the hardest situation of all.