Sometimes police reports make even seasoned reporters laugh out loud. Contained within the highlights of the calls PPD officers answered over the weekend is the hillbilliest police report I believe I have ever read. Let’s see if you can pick out the winner. Portsmouth Police Officers responded to several ODs, some unusual thefts, and some alarming reports concerning kids between Friday and Monday.
A big thanks to the officers of the PPD for helping keep us safe during this trying time. Here are the 19 topics. read closely and see what you think seems like the “Hillbilliest” report.
ODs and Drugs
Friday, just before 3 am, officers were called to the Woodbine Apartments for a possible overdose. The man was awake when officers arrived. He was transported to SOMC by ambulance.
- Just after 3:45 am on Friday, officers were called out on a report of a 44-year-old man overdosing on Spring Street. He refused treatment.
- Just after 5 am, PPD responded to Grandview Avenue for a report of a man staggering in the road. He was able to make it home.
- Around 6 am, police responded to a woman overdosing at the Holiday Inn on 2nd street. She refused treatment.
- Just before 9 am, officers were called to Mound Park. Workers said a man who appeared to be on drugs was bothering them. They shooed him away.
- AT 4:39 pm on Friday, police were called to the 17th Street Learning center for a report of two men shooting up in the bathroom. They allegedly got combative when asked to leave. The men left when officers told them to go.
- Officers responded to a report of a man overdosing at the Four Keys Inn on Friday just before 6 pm.
- On Monday, just after midnight, officers responded to a man falling over on Walnut Street. He came around after some Narcan and refused medical treatment.
Blame the Greasy Shoes
The driver of a vehicle involved in a crash on Chillicothe Street around 8:30 am on Friday blamed greasy build-up on her work shoes for her foot slipping off the brake and causing her to rear-end another vehicle.
Dope House
At 9 am on Friday, police responded to a report of a ‘dope house’ on 5th street. They found not one, but three people passed out in various vehicles around the area.
One in a white truck parked in a carport at an abandoned house, another in a red car in the alley, and third passed out in a car in a field.
One man had warrants from the Waverly PD. Officers delivered him to them. They released a woman with a warrant from Fayette County when the county didn’t call back within ten minutes.
Inlaws Fall Out
A woman called officers around 3:30 pm on Friday to report that her brother-in-law had hit her. She also said there was a possible gun in the house. Officers separated the pair. The husband said he would try to have a relative pick him up and take him to Columbus.
Meanwhile at the Woodbine Apartments
Police made one of their frequent trips out to the Woodbine Apartments just after 4 pm for a report of a man and a woman screaming at each other in a field.
Catch and Release
Officers did a catch and release when they responded to a shoplifter at Kroger just after 5 pm on Friday. They issued two summonses to the guy.
On Sunday, two boys were caught stealing beer at Kroger. They were released to their parents
Children In Danger
- Around 1:45 pm on Saturday officers responded to Robinson Avenue for a report of a 7-year-old boy being sexually abused. The victim is autistic and has trouble communicating. Police took a report and notified Children Services.
- An hour later at 2:45, another case of possible sexual abuse was reported to police. This time a woman said her 3-year-old daughter said she had been assaulted at her father’s house.
- Around 5:30 pm on Saturday, officers were called out on a report of a missing two-year-old on Mabert Road. That child was found sleeping soundly in his own bed.
Suicide Threat
Officers were called out to Hudson House just after 6 pm on Saturday for a woman who was threatening to jump off a bridge.
The woman wanted to be transported to the hospital but Portsmouth Fire refused.
Open Against the Rules
A local bar ignored the Governor’s orders and was open for business on Saturday night. Police swung by the Party Time Bar on 4th Street to remind them about COVID-19. They chose to close.
Frank & Steins Lounge wasn’t open but that didn’t stop a group of men from drinking from open containers in front of the bar. Police had to come back multiple times on Saturday night to run them off.
It Sure Sounded Like Gunshots
Just before 2 am on Sunday, Police were called out to 3rd Street for a report of gunshots. It turned out that someone had been setting off firecrackers at a birthday party.
Sober Up and Call Us Back
An alleged robbery victim was in no shape to tell police what happened when they responded to his a call for help at 3 am on Sunday.
The man said two people he worked with robbed him and stole his keys. He was injured but too intoxicated to give officers the necessary information to file a report.
They advised his friends to have him call back when he sobered up.
They’ll Even Steal Easter Baskets
A crook broke into a car parked at Portsmouth Ambulance sometime before 7 am on Sunday. Missing were four Easter baskets, a pair of Doctor Scholls shoes, and some prescription medication.
Bullet-Riddled Porch Fridge Missing
In what may be my favorite police report so far this year, a Walnut Street resident reported a small refrigerator stolen off the back porch.
The refrigerator should be easy to identify as it has bullet hole in the door. The bullet hole is covered with silver tape. There are no suspects at this time.
Fan Mistaken for Burglar
A Highland Avenue resident mistook a breeze for a burglar around 9:45 am on Sunday. The resident called to report someone trying to break in the back window. It turned out to just be the fan from a heater blowing a curtain.
Lewd at the Levee
A couple got a strong warning from officers after someone called police around 4:30 pm on Sunday to report lewd acts taking place on the levee. The two claimed they were just making out and sharing a vape pen.
Very Different Stories
Just after 8 pm on Sunday a woman told police that an 18-year-old had locked her 15-year-old niece and another boy in a room in a Poplar Street house and forced them to have sex.
Other people at the scene told officers that the teen and the boy had locked themselves in a room and no one forced them to have sex.
The girl’s mother told police she wasn’t buying the story.
DOA
Just after 9:30 pm on Sunday, officers found a 32-year-old man dead of an apparent overdose at a home on Grant Street. He was pronounced dead at 9:45. The body was transported to Montgomery County for autopsy.
Meanwhile at Speedway
It was an unusually quiet weekend for the Speedway on Gallia. But first thing Monday morning, officers responded to a complaint of a man and woman who were allegedly high and nearly ran someone over.
Police said the pair had no warrants though they did take a syringe away and destroy it. They were sent on their way.
Stolen Car Not Stolen
A report about a stolen Lincoln Town Car turned out to be a mistake. A man called for his elderly father at 11:28 to report the missing vehicle. He called back a minute later to say that his father had just overlooked the car parked at his residence.
