It’s been a wild one for the New Boston Police Department — and thanks to their Facebook page, the village of just 2,200 has been following along with a mix of shock, laughter, and a whole lot of 🤦♂️ emojis.
Major Drug Bust Kicks Things Off
The week began with a serious haul: officers pulled 6.07 grams of suspected crack cocaine, 12.47 grams of suspected fentanyl, multiple unknown pills, two firearms, a digital scale, and a baggie stash during a traffic stop. Several suspects are facing drug and firearm charges, with more charges potentially in the works. Police reminded residents: “Keeping our community safe is our number one priority and we would like to thank you for allowing us to serve you in any capacity.”
Gazebo vs. Meth
Just two days later, officers shared photos of what used to be a gazebo — now reduced to rubble after a driver apparently decided to test whether a park structure could double as a drive-thru. Officers joked:
“Folks, if you’ve got 40 grams of meth riding shotgun with you… maybe don’t try to turn a gazebo into a drive-thru.”
Witnesses described the driver flipping his car, blasting music, and spraying soda cans everywhere when the doors popped open. One neighbor summed it up: “When he flipped over, I thought he was dead. Thank God there wasn’t a kid in that car.”
The police page delivered the punchline:
“Now the gazebo’s totaled, his car’s crying, and his meth is sprinkled across the seat like it’s the world’s worst powdered donut. 🍩❌ Moral of the story: Don’t meth around and drive.”
Fast & the Not-So-Furious
The next case felt ripped straight out of a Fast & Furious parody. Two men broke into Rural King, stole a $999.99 go-kart, and pushed it across the parking lot before loading it into a black Ford F-150. The problem? The go-kart didn’t run. It was missing a clutch and carburetor.
As the NBPD put it:
“They sped away thinking they were living their lives a quarter mile at a time, but in reality, they never made it off the starting line.”
Police even offered the suspects a discount:
“If they show up to the PD we can let them use our rewards card to Advanced Auto Parts and save them up to 15% off their next purchase.”
The Buckeye Bandit
And to round out the week, Rural King was once again the target — this time by a man in an Ohio State Buckeyes shirt. He allegedly grabbed a $854.99 MIG welder and disappeared “like Jimmy Hoffa in the wind.”
The department couldn’t resist one more jab:
“P.S. At least he’s not a ❌ichigan fan.”
Small Town, Big Personality
Police Chief Chris Dixon has made social media a top priority for his officers. The result? A Facebook feed that not only updates the community on crime but does it with a wink, a punchline, and a sense of small-town personality.
For a village with only about 2,200 people, New Boston is proving you don’t need a big city to have big stories — or a police department with a sense of humor.
